Miss Lu,
When going from missionary to woman-on-top, do most people maneuver the switch while keeping the guy's penis inside? Whenever I try it, his penis just pops out.
Tetris Challenged
Dear Tetris (love the alias!)
Ahhh, Hollywood and porn make everything look easy. Partners twist around each other like perfect dance. In really life, sex is not that simple . Even the most experienced of couples get tangled up in the sheets. accidently knock each other with elbows, make weird noises with multiple parts of their bodies and end up sweaty (and hopefully happy). Most couples disengage and reconnect.
My best trick for this particular switch up is to start in missionary all the way to the edge of the left side of the bed. Bend you right leg so your foot is flat on the bed. Wrap your left leg around your partner's waist and hook your left arm under his shoulder. Push off with your right arm and right leg, keep a firm grip on with that left hand as you roll him onto his back toward the right side of the bed. If he slips out, stick him back in, keep playing and try again next time.
Miss Lu the Slutty Jew with Advice for You.
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1 comment:
Dear Tetris,
….you know what? I don’t care for your alias… let’s go with Super Missionary Brothers… no…Slut Hunt!…no, I feel like there is a Donky Kong joke to be made in here somewhere, but I just can’t think of it… fine, we’ll go with Tetris Challenged
Anyway… do you know how long it takes to switch positions? Like, 2 seconds. do you know how long it takes to change position, when some emotional wreck tells a guy she wants to “keep it in” for some reason? LIKE HALF AN HOUR! COME ON! Doing that is a pain in the ass, and guys don’t like it!
You want an insight to the male psyche? When a couple is about to switch up, and the woman says to the man, “No! Keep it in!” Do you know what EVERY guy on the planet says to himself– despite what he may say out loud? He says, “OH, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!!! NO!!! NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!”
You wanna know what the worst part of that is? Every time a girl says that (to me, at least) she’s got this weird look on her face, and tone in her voice that looks like, “Keeping it in is going to be such a spiritual experience!” …KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!!!! That shit kills wood like the machines in “Ferngully; The Last Rain Forest”
Look, Grand Theft Erection, you want advice, just save everybody twenty minutes and let your boyfriend take his fucking cock out for 2 seconds and stop flip flopping around your bed (or futon) like some circ des oley reject!!!
-Shores
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